Wise Counsel

I don't make New Year's resolutions, as a rule. I know myself far too well. I start strong, but I don't always finish well, depending on what it is. I need to take ownership of something in order to be motivated to see it through to completion, and a calendar date doesn't normally serve as a catalyst.

I can decide that it's time to eat better, work out harder, clean more, get organized, revamp our school schedule, be nicer to my children, remember to iron Craig's shirts before he needs them, catch up on emails... the list goes on; 

but God's Word tells us to number our days, to make the most of every opportunity, to take up our cross and daily follow Jesus.

None of those former things matter much apart from the latter, and January 1st doesn't have to be the day that spurs me to frantically start checking things off, just to find in a couple of months that I don't have enough steam left to accomplish my lofty ambitions.

Still, while cleaning up Christmas and New Year's messes, putting away decorations, and gearing up for the rest of the school year, it's a good time for reflection and planning.

2011 was an exciting year for us, full of change, blessing, and challenge.

I can't make any particular declaration about what I expect to see happen in 2012, but these things I do know:

~ God is faithful. (2 Timothy 2:13)

~ His mercy is new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

~ He longs to be gracious to His people. (Isaiah 30:18)

~ He has promised in His Word to bring to completion the good work that He has begun in us. (Philippians 1:6)

Tomorrow, we have the wonderful opportunity to take a day trip and visit some special friends. I'm looking forward to this time of fellowship and refreshment before resuming our daily routine here at home.

After that, I plan to spend the rest of the week doing some spiritual "assessment" with the children and seeking God's will and direction for the rest of our school year.

A friend shared this blog post from a faithful brother in Christ, which I find especially useful and inspiring. Craig and I read it and have decided to put Mr. Phillips's counsel into practice.

I'm sure that our lists will differ from the Phillips Family's lists, but several of Doug's suggestions are worth copying, such as his advice to personally thank those who've blessed and influenced us, and encourage our children to do the same.

I'm excited about taking time with the children to recall God's specific blessings and provision for our family over the past year, and looking ahead to what He has in store for us next.

Grocery Store Discipleship

In just over a week, we will have been Texans for six months. (Well, that's if you don't get too technical and require a TX driver's license to make it official.)

This. Place. Is. Vast.

I depend a lot on my GPS these days in order to run my usual errands.

Some folks use Costco for "bulk" purchases, but with the size of our family (and our appetites), it's part of our regular grocery shopping.

It's taken a while, but I'm finally over the fact that the nearest Costco is located in the city. 

About 25 miles away.

In lots of traffic.

On Costco Day, I'm always sure to take along at least one helper from my "staff of volunteers". Yesterday, Craig Grayson packed his school books and joined me. We covered a lot of ground, and by the time we got to our final stop (Target), he opted to stay in the truck and finish his school work.

He had earned the break. That boy can pack a mean trunk!

I can remember when it was my life's dream to be able to shop alone. I used to think that it was so unfortunate that we didn't have family nearby and couldn't afford regular babysitters to keep the children so that I might enjoy a child-free day of running errands.

Nowadays, I beg for a companion.

It's now clear to me that it wasn't at all unfortunate that I didn't have anyone to ease what seemed a burden to me at the time.

As much as I longed for a shopping trip without car seats, strollers, reprimands, and taking head-counts at regular intervals, I'm thankful that the children and I didn't miss the lessons involved.

I'll admit that if I had been offered the help, I would have taken it; but we spend so much effort trying to alleviate what God intended for us to bear. 

(ref. Genesis 3:16-19)

Women no longer have to endure the pain of childbirth if we don't want to. Most go as far as to say that they don't even want to have children, or at least not very many.

Men no longer toil for the sustenance of the family as they once did. Labor is no longer valued as a means of provision. These days, time is money, and no one breaks a sweat while sending emails or making calls.

Likewise, moms who are able to stay at home with their children often forfeit the teachable moment that comes from including them on the shopping trip (or doing chores or baking or serving guests...). Someone else is left to pacify the children in order to lighten Mom's load. This isn't inherently bad, in itself - we are called to bear one another's burdens, but we must be wise about which ones to bear.

I understand the value of help, and I encourage my daughters to help other mothers of young children when the need arises.

Deuteronomy 6 tells parents to diligently teach God's commands to children "when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." (ESV)

How will children learn to be obedient in social settings if someone is always keeping them in the sterile environment of the toy room while mom goes "by the way" without them?

Nap time and scheduling are important; but giving our children opportunities to learn proper behavior and be reminded that the world doesn't bend to the whim of one boy or girl, is even more important. 

The grocery store is a perfect training ground for learning to "love your neighbor as yourself". 

My children's formative years were spent on Army posts, for the most part. This meant that we'd often encounter elderly retirees in the commissary, which offered the perfect opportunity to teach the children to "stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man" (Leviticus 19:32). 

When it comes to teaching children to be considerate of others, opportunities abound in a grocery aisle. I can't venture a guess at the number of times I've repeated this statement: 

"Stay to one side. Don't block the entire aisle. We're not the only ones here. Be considerate of other shoppers."

If children are allowed to join mommy for her errands - and required to be obedient - after a while, not only will it gradually become less daunting to "handle" them in public, but they'll even learn how to be helpful. 

Children should be regarded as producers, rather than merely as consumers. They are meant to be a blessing; but left to the toy room, they'll be hindered from opportunities to learn to be responsible and respectful when out.

Joining Mom on errands also prepares the children for learning to respond to others (safely by Mom's side, of course), look them in the eye, and respond coherently.

"So, is school out already?"

"No, Sir. We're homeschooled."

"Oooooooohhhhh....."

(By the way, learning to respond graciously to unsolicited opinions or snide remarks from others is another lesson best learned in the grocery store, and could be a blog post in itself. Oh. Yeah. I already did that here.)

An important thing to remember is that it is God Who sends these treasured arrows to us, and it is His Word that teaches us how to instruct them. What a comfort it is to know that He is patient with us as His children, and patiently guides us as we learn to parent according to His Word. As a mother (who is still in the process), I'm continually encouraged by these verses:

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." 

Galatians 6:9

"He Who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it."

1 Thessalonians 5:24

Remember, mothers, that God is concerned with our training as well as that of our children. He leads us as we lead them, and He uses the challenges of motherhood to teach us to trust Him.

Regarding our children:

"... in humility, count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." 

Philippians 2:3-4

Let's be interested in training our children diligently.

May the Lord richly bless you as you aim your "arrows" for His glory!

Why We Homeschool: Part 1

(So our dogs will be smarter. ;-)

I can still recall the first time I ever heard the word "homeschool". I was watching a special news report about a family who had taken their children out of the public school system in order to educate them at home. As I watched and listened, I thought, 
"That is the strangest thing I have EVER heard, and that mom must be some kind of incredible woman with super-smarts and ultra-patience! Somebody should make an action figure of her!"
(Just kidding about that last part.)


A year or so later, we met a family who not only had more than two children 
(!), 
but also educated their children at home. My thought then was,
"Yeah. They would."


A couple of years after that, I began reading - somewhat "accidentally" - some real-life accounts of homeschooling families. I appreciated that these moms shared the good, bad, and ugly about their daily journey. This really made me start thinking that homeschooling might be an option worth considering.


We were "dirt poor" in those days, so private school wasn't something we could even consider as Caelyn, our oldest daughter, approached school age. 
Eventually, I came across a statistic about the number of hours children spend in a classroom, compared to the number of ours the average family spends together.
Ugh!


I started to prep the battlefield, so to speak, with Craig, whose response was something like, "Yeah, that sounds like a really good option; but it's not for our family."
I quietly walked away and resolved not to hassle him about it (totally out-of-character for me).


Another year or so passed, and I brought up an idea that was entirely unrelated to the education of our children. Craig's seemingly random response to me was,
"I think you should, instead, focus on homeschooling Caelyn this year."


Whaaa...???


This was in June 1997. We were gearing up to travel to PA for a family visit just before relocating from Kentucky to Georgia, and I was rather pregnant with our fourth child. Having received a negative answer to my earlier request to homeschool, I had made absolutely no preparation, whatsoever.
Perfect. 


"But he said to me, 
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (ESV)


The agreement that we made when we began homeschooling was that we'd take it one year at a time and consider putting the children into school later. After the first year, we decided to continue all the way through elementary, and possibly middle school, with a plan to send them to high school.
By the end of the second year, we were committed to the long haul, realizing that the teen years would be no time to relinquish the guidance and discipleship that our children desperately need from us as they begin making larger, farther-reaching decisions.


It was around that same time that we decided it would be important to put into writing our goal and purpose of taking on the responsibility of teaching our own children - a mission statement, if you will. I recently came across the notebook where we sketched out our idea:


"To encourage a love of learning in our children by creating within our home an environment conducive for educating the whole child: mind, body, & spirit; making godly instruction the cornerstone while following biblical doctrine, thus producing wise, disciplined, God-fearing youth of character with a Christ-centered world view."


Reading this again after so many years, it's clearer that we, as parents, can't "produce" any particular type of youth; but we are fully dependent upon the Lord to have His way in the production department as we strive to be obedient to the commands and principles written in His Word concerning the instruction of our children.


Farther down the notebook page, additional thoughts were jotted down:


"... fully armed and capable to transform the world for Christ, if it is His will..."


"... armed with the Truth and capable to ignite the match of the comfortable-in-Christ and sound the trumpet for the lost..."


In America, the grand (and astonishingly successful) marketing scheme of universities has decided for us exactly how we are to define education: getting a college degree. Period.
We hold that there is so much more to education than that, and even a cursory background search of most of our key early-American historic figures would show that education a few generations ago was much broader than what takes place while sequestered on a campus for four years.
Shoot! Most key historic figures of any period were educated far beyond any university campus!
But I digress.


If you can get your hands on a copy of Noah Webster's 1828 Dictionary, you'll be surprised at how the definitions of many words have lost much of their luster in modern times. Take this one, for example:


EDUCATION, n. [L. educatio.] The bringing up, as of a child, instruction; formation of manners. Education comprehends all that series of instruction and discipline which is intended to enlighten the understanding, correct the temper, and form the manners and habits of youth, and fit them for usefulness in their future stations. To give children a good education in manners, arts and science, is important; to give them a religious education is indispensable; and an immense responsibility rests on parents and guardians who neglect these duties. 


'Nuff said.
(For now)


*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *


In case you're interested, Part 2 of "Why We Homeschool" should follow as soon as I get the time to organize my thoughts. Currently, we are enjoying some R&R at a weekend family retreat in a beautiful country setting, where my sweet husband is the speaker. 

Attention!

A few days ago I learned an important lesson during school.

I was reading part of our grammar lesson from this book, and I realized that rather than paying attention to what I was relaying to them from the book, my children were working on the "homework" portion of their grammar lesson from another book.

In that moment, I saw the fruit of a strength-gone-bad. 

I tend to be task-oriented, and I like to multi-task when circumstances allow. I must confess that there are many times when my children have something to share with me, and I pretend to be listening intently while working one something else.

The truth is that I'm usually missing a large portion of what's being said, and being the smart people they are, they know it!

So, rather than getting upset with them for seeing a greater need to multi-task than to listen intently, I simply had each of them re-read (aloud, standing next to their chairs) a portion of what they had missed.

This was an important reminder for me that it's a good idea to stop what I'm doing and give my full attention to the speaker - even my grand storyteller, and even if my current task is "necessary".

They're watching. They're aaallwaays watching.

Town Square

The big girls spent the day north of the city today with friends, so I loaded up G, G, and CG, and went for a special outing. (It sounds like I have little children, doesn't it?)

After a quick lunch at Cafe Express, we walked to Town Square for a history mini-lesson.

I love that the ground is covered with a general overview of local history. It was so hot, and the children were longing to sit in the shade; but I made them read every word.

Having just lived here a little over two months, I can agree with Mr. Austin's quote above.
(But whom am I kidding? Ha! We're the Wandering Whitlocks! I'm sure our adventures will carry us to new territory in the future.)

Graham spent most of the outing seeking shade.

G & G next to Stephen Austin

Craig Grayson was having a Skype conversation with my mom on my phone.

Gabriela wants me to clarify that she was not intentionally posing. 

Imagine being a slave and not knowing until later that you had been set free...

They endured until the end! It was very fascinating, but they were ready to get out of the sun. Thankfully, Starbucks is right across the street.

[Necessity ÷ (Time x Tasks x 7)] + Initiative = Organization

I like to live by lists; but after another major relocation (3 in under 3 years!), I've been remiss in making & keeping up with lists.

I own a few books on organization, and I follow a few blogs that provide ample inspiration to get my act together.

Genetically speaking, I'm Wally's daughter, so it's safe to say that God has fully equipped me to be thoroughly organized.

But alas!

I've had to regain the discipline necessary to take initiative in this crucial aspect of homemaking/homeschooling.

It has been said that necessity is the mother of invention, and my desire for order and sanity has made it necessary for me to (finally) get everyone into their right places throughout the day so we may again begin to measure progress.

Therefore, I have re-invented the proverbial wheel, so to speak, by bringing together some older and some not-so-old methods of corralling my family & tackling household jobs.

Something that takes the lion's share of our day is the idea of eating. It entails meal planning, list making, grocery shopping, slicing, chopping, grating, baking, roasting, grilling, sauteéing, clean-up, loading/unloading the dishwasher, washing dishes by hand, setting the table, clearing the table, wiping the counters, sweeping the floor...

All of these jobs - along with many other chores - require workers, obviously. With seven people in our home, it would seem daunting; but years ago, I adopted the adage, "Many hands make light work."

I hope this isn't disappointing, but it seemed logical to me. It's a bit difficult to read here, but it has each one's name in a specific color, making it easy to locate each one's turn for fixing a meal, washing, or drying dishes.

I'm an old-fashioned paper-and-pen kind of gal (although we probably own more apple computer products than most American families).

I don't like the thought of having my life stored on a device that could crash or become obsolete. 

So, each year, I start with what my generation once considered an administrative staple: 

3-hole-punched, lined paper & the best pen ever manufactured - a blue Bic cristal.

All of my lists are kept in a cute 3-ring binder, purchased at Target.

Told ya it was cute! It reminds me of a particular fabric that I should have bought but didn't.

And if you're ever blessed with the opportunity to go to the Vera Bradley Factory Warehouse Sale in Ft. Wayne, IN, you, too, can score some adorable little binder clips like this one! It holds things like the scary list of DOs & DON'Ts from the E-Z Tag store, and other small paper items that don't really go into the rings.

Getting back to the matter at hand, this year I started by simply making lists of all that needs to be done. Once this was accomplished, I wrote names next to each task and made a note of which might be the best days of the week for each to be done.

Deciding which chart method to use was a bit tricky for me, as I tend to be indecisive if given too many options.

Years ago, I discovered Teri Maxwell's Managers of Their Homes. Despite the encouraging testimonies given by moms with much more responsibility than I've ever had, who successfully used Teri's method in their own homes, I waited like a scared cat for two years before finally taking the plunge into accounting for every single minute of every single day for every single member of our family (minus Craig, who goes to work).

On that first day, several years ago, of implementing M.O.T.H., my children actually thanked me.

("Yay, Lord! You gave me children who love lists, too!")

I've decided against the actual color-coded time-slot charts this year, in favor of simply writing each one's routine on a "Daily Schedule" list taken from this resource that I bought very early in our homeschool experience (before it was available on CD-Rom in colorful packaging).

I used marker for each child's name for easy ID, and pencil for each time slot, in case any adjustments need to be made.

Each room of the house has a "master list" of what needs to be done daily/weekly, with a person's name underneath the day of the week for each task. These master lists are kept in my home organization binder for a quick overview, but each individual chore chart is kept on a separate sheet, on the reverse side of the page protector holding the daily schedule.

When I start brainstorming ideas for my lists each year, I usually visit Donna Young's site. It's the mother lode of home-organization resources. If Donna Young were my neighbor, she'd hate me, per Proverbs 25:17, as my foot would OFTEN be in her house! 

(Actually, she's probably a very sweet, patient woman who delights in pesky neighbors who assume she has all the answers & bring pies to her doorstep with selfish motives.)

OK, back to meal planning. This seems to be the biggest monster a lot of moms face. Fortunately, we love to eat, so we're motivated not to fall too far away from a meal-planning regimen.

I have several spiral notebooks that have served as my sloppy, unattractive, but easy and convenient mode of making menu lists over the years. These notebooks are like scrapbooks, in that their pages hold scores from games we've played with each other and with guests, guest lists and menus from holidays and other occasions, song lyrics, and other random things that I deemed worthy of inclusion in the menu notebook.

I've tried to use days-of-the-week menu charts in the past, but I tend to follow my cravings rather than a schedule for meals. It helps to know, in general, what's available; then I decide either the day before, or even that same morning, what to have for dinner. This works for me just fine, and no one is complaining.

This is our current menu notebook, along with a "system" I tried to implement a couple of years ago. It hasn't worked for me due to my whimsical personality, but it was still a good idea. The list on the printout is similar to the lists in the notebook, with one exception. There are seven dinners (with fewer lunches/breakfasts, which are easy to throw together with leftovers, etc.), and the reverse side includes a shopping list for each meal.

This is the shopping list for one menu list. I haven't used these because when I set them aside for a while, I plan meals according to my craving. Then when I try to return to one of these pre-printed lists, I find that we've recently eaten a few items on the list. Not wanting to repeat, I set it aside, and the cycle continues. By the way, I have several of these lists. My original plan was to be able to forget about menu planning for a couple of months at a time. Try it. It may work for you.

Here's how my life really looks. :-) This is the same basic list system mentioned above, but in my own handwriting inside the spiral notebook. I like to think that posterity will appreciate my having done this - as long as posterity tends toward the grandmother's habit, rather than the grandfather's computer-dependent system.

The result of well-laid plans?

Happy children who take joy in checking items off the list!

I'm In a Cheeky Mood

An Imaginary Scenario:

My five children and I are standing in line at a store, and we notice a mother and her adolescent-age child minding their own business.

Being the "social" animal that I am, I decide to strike up friendly conversation.

Me: "Is that your only child?!"

Other Mom: "Oh, yes. My hands are full."

Me: "Yikes! Do you need me to tell you how to have more? I assure you, the process is quite enjoyable. Perhaps you and your husband should turn off the TV once in a while and give it a try!"

Other Mom: [Speechless; stunned at my audacity]

Me: "So, how long have you homeschooled your little prince?"

Other Mom: [Appalled at my assumption] "Homeschooled?! I could never do that! He happens to go to one of the very best schools in the state!"

Me: "Oh, my! You should really consider taking him out of school and teaching him yourself. Aren't you afraid he'll pick up bad habits from all of his peers, who still need to learn, themselves, how to behave properly and respect others?"

Other Mom: "Don't judge me!"

* Think that's bold and rude? *

An Actual Scenario:

My five children and I are standing in line at a store, minding our business, when another mother - wanting to distract herself from an argument she's having with her child over (insert item) - strikes up a conversation with me:

Other Mother: "Are they all yours?!" [Displays counting skills, not forgotten since Kindergarten]

Me: Yes, they are.

Other Mother: "Any twins?"

Me: "No."

Other Mother: "Wow! You must be crazy or something! I have my hands full with just this one. I can't imagine five! Don't you know what causes that?!" [Laughs at own (stupid) joke]

Me: [Silent; not dignifying last remark with a response]

Other Mother: "Well, are you done?" [Expecting the obvious "right" answer]

Me: "We'd actually love to adopt!"

Other Mother: [Flabbergasted at not hearing what she had hoped] 

"You want more?!" 

[Scans the crowd to see if anyone else will reinforce what she obviously thinks of this]

Me: "Oh, yes. These children bless my life! My husband and I are thankful for every one!"

Other Mother: "So, where do they all go to school?"

Me: "We homeschool."

Other Mother: "Wow! You homeschool, too?" [Shakes head slowly in pity] "So, what about socialization? I mean, do they know how to interact with other children?"

Me: "Well, they're learning to get along with each other, which is something most children don't do well with siblings. And we are a very social family, so they have no shortage of opportunities to interact with others. Really, the socialization question isn't an issue for us as it was for the pioneers of the movement over twenty years ago, when homeschooling was nearly unheard of."

Perspective is a funny thing.

The Perpetrators of Controversy:

Caelyn (19)
The Care Giver
Compassionate; Gentle-Spirited; Servant-hearted (Philippians 2:5-7); Loves a good joke
(I'm so glad that birth control didn't work!)

Morgan (17)
The Negotiator
Insightful; Methodical; Frank, but kind (Ephesians 4:15)
(I'm so thankful that she lived through having the umbilical cord wrapped thrice around her neck!)

Craig Grayson (15)
The Protector
Strong; Unbending (Proverbs 4:27); Affectionate; Not intimidated by anyone
(I'm so glad that, in God's economy, it was perfectly fine to have another baby while Craig was back in college & we had almost no money!)

Graham (13)
The Observer
Discerning; Loyal (Proverbs 17:17); Caring; Inquisitive
(I'm so thankful that Baby #4 came along in God's perfect timing, and that he has overcome the health struggles he had as a baby!)

Gabriela (12)
The Hostess
Joyful; Adventurous; Relational; Considerate (Philippians 2:4)
(I'm so glad that God gave her to us at a time when it seemed, from the outside, that another baby was more than we could handle - "I can do all things through Christ, Who strengthens me.")

 "For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well... All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:13-14, 16b

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate."

Psalm 127:3-5

"The Lord remembers us and will bless us:

He will bless the house of Israel,

He will bless the house of Aaron,

He will bless those who fear the Lord -

small and great alike.

May the Lord make you increase, 

both you and your children."

Psalm 115:12-14